Let Your Child Help!

As you may know, my husband is a Youth Pastor. I help whereever I can. We see so many kids come in and out of our group who have never lifted a finger at home. And it shows. As parents we sometimes feel bad about asking our children to help around the house. There are many reasons for this:

1. We'd rather be the martyrs
   
2. They can't do as good a job as us
3. We hated work as a child, and we want them to have a fun childhood
4. Other people don't make their kids work
5. The {insert media appliance} keeps them busy and out of our hair

But the truth is that these reasons just don't hold up if we think a little deeper and discover our hidden vision for our families. I had to do this. I thought: if I could only teach my child(ren) one thing, what would it be? Then: If I could teach them one more thing, what would that be? I kept adding until I had a top 10 list of my goals for my family. And guess what? Helping my child to become a Playstation Genius wasn't on that list. Helping them to become responsible, successful adults was WAY up there.

By training them now (notice I didn't say teaching. There's a difference. Teaching is something you try to drill into their heads. Training is showing them, taking them step by step, allowing them to internalize) you are creating habits. Habits are things you do without having to think about them. Having to think about cleaning is a time-waster. Having to tell yourself to put something away means that you won't do it half the time. That's half your stuff making a mess.

I don't want my kids to struggle with keeping a home "huggable" as the FlyLady puts it. I want them to have the advantage of the cleaning skill. And it is a skill. A learned skill. My mom worked, and she felt overwhelmed quite a lot with housework. We would have frenzied marathon cleaning sessions. We were taught to do our chores ... when we were told or yelled at to do them. I brought that method into my own home. I'm not naturally inclined to clean all the time. Lord knows there are women out there who are! I know a few. They amaze me. But then they tell me I amaze them with my ability to have peace in the midst of chaos. :-) It is an effort for me to clean. I wish I was in the habit of hanging up my towel after a shower, for instance. I want my children to build those kinds of habits that HELP them.

Your child is ready for chores at as early an age as they can pick up things, sort things, hold things. There really isn't a perfect age for any given chore. My twins were two years old when they began helping mommy with laundry. They love to sit on the dryer and toss the clothes I hand them into the washer. This alleviates a step for me. So I count it. My six year old has done trash, dishes, laundry, room pickups, wipe counters, toilets, and sweeping. I consider him old enough to help his brother clean their room. Of course, I had to train him in this. I would go through the room with him, showing him how to start and finish.

This is important because I did not yell at him and close him in only to feel overwhelmed. We broke it down into manageable bites. I'll write another article on how I did this. The point is once we train them and allow them to be involved, perhaps relax our own standards just a little, it causes them to internalize the VALUE of a clean room.

I am constantly telling my kids that we are a team. We work together. Our home runs smoothly when we are all serving one another. This is NOT child labor abuse. This is sewing good seed into your growing child. They will have better lives because of these small steps started today!

Look around and see what your child can do to feel more involved in your household chores. I don't suggest you start shipping them into shape overnight. I recommend that you have a family meeting. Apologize for not thinking they were capable, and explain to them what will be expected. Also, explain to them that they will not be left alone here - that you will be by their side showing them each step. You may have to tell them you can learn together! Finally, share with them the vision you have for your family and for their future. You're doing this to help their lives - let 'em know it!

One final tip I have: There will be times when they complain about working. I suggest you go to the scripture. Philippians 2:14 says, "Do all things without murmurings and disputings" Then I would add work with every complaint explaining that they will keep working until they do it with a good attitude. It works for us. The complaining ends quickly!

For more articles on training your child visit largefamilyresource.com