Lookin' At The Water

When life invades your sanity, it's important to know where you are looking. With laser accuracy, we can target the best and the worst, but the "in-between" seems to be the most dangerous. The Bible says that in the end, God will spit out the lukewarm. He'd rather you be hot or cold. Okay, that tells me something about life. Sometimes I try to play it safe, and in doing so, I risk more than if I'd chosen the bleakest of paths.

I have moments of self doubt. Who doesn't? If I could put my thought life into a mathematical equation it would look like this: - ? +

I am negative; I am positive; Or I am questioning. We all pretty well know how to deal with both the negative and the positive, but I want to discuss that question mark - the "in-between". It is so destructive!

I go through these moments where I doubt everything I'm about. I'm sure I'm not the only one. At those moments, I ask everyone around me about it. I'm searching for authenticity. I find negativity AND I find positivity. I find discouragement AND I find encouragement. I cannot decide which becomes me more.

But I\'ve made a recent discovery. At my last questioning stance, I whined alot, but it took about a day before I just went on with my tasks. To use a tired metaphor, I pulled up my bootstraps, and got on with the business at hand. It felt really good. And I learned something valuable. I was looking at the water.

Huh? You say. I'm referring to the story in the New Testament of Peter walking on the water. Jesus called him out of the boat, and Peter went. He kept his eyes on Jesus. At one point he realized that he shouldn't be walking on water. It wasn't done. So he looked down at the water ... and he began to sink. Now, most preachers at this point will pontificate about how we should keep our eyes on Jesus, and yes, I will agree to that, but I think there is more to it. Frankly, I don't know what Jesus would do when it comes to keeping up with the laundry. We can guess maybe he'd be terrific at it. That doesn't help.

What I CAN get though is that if I take my eyes off my goal, my destiny, my source, then I begin to "see" life as it looks now - to my naked and untrained eyes. It LOOKS like I can't do this. I shouldn't be able to do it. My plate is too full. Well, that's fine if that's the life I want to live. But I want to walk on water. So then if looking at the water makes me sink, then I'd better focus on the thing that is keeping me going.

For me, it is Jesus, but not just His face or His ideas. It's the way He sees me. It's the fact that He called me out of the boat apparently knowing I could walk on water! He sees me perfected, capable, amazing. Why the heck would I take my eyes off that and dabble in the "in-between". The questioning. Negative - I can recognize that and avoid it. Positive - I am aware that there are issues that need dealing with, and I must not be naive. However, the paradox is that the questioning is far worse than either of the extremes. Pick a point on the compass. Choose your destiny, and walk. My destiny is to raise people of character. My own kids and others. He's called me, and I need to keep walking. And NOT look down at the water swirling around my feet. Because it LOOKS like I shouldn't be doing this. I can't be doing this. I'm not able. It's too much.

But that is the nature of grace.

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