I blog like I journal ... almost never

It's been awhile. I was about to sign up for a blogger account and noticed that I already have one. Yes, I forgot I set this up. This blog has been out since 2007, and I've moved on. I've since created a few different blogs on my own servers, and they are doing just fine.

However, I've got to say I miss how easy it is to blog on Blogger. So when a friend of mine started her blog on Blogger, I got into checking in out again. It's silly to start over, so I'm resurrecting this baby.

While re-reading my old posts, it's awesome to  discover where I've been and how those posts STILL hold true.

In fact, learning what I have has saved our lives.

My family is blessed. Now I recognize that that is no proof of anything. Being blessed is not a result of good things happening to you. We are blessed because of what Jesus did. We rest in that blessing. Our lives are a result of that blessing.

And I'm so thankful.

Well, we'll be discussing this and more in days to come. Welcome back. :-)

Let Your Child Help!

As you may know, my husband is a Youth Pastor. I help whereever I can. We see so many kids come in and out of our group who have never lifted a finger at home. And it shows. As parents we sometimes feel bad about asking our children to help around the house. There are many reasons for this:

1. We'd rather be the martyrs
   
2. They can't do as good a job as us
3. We hated work as a child, and we want them to have a fun childhood
4. Other people don't make their kids work
5. The {insert media appliance} keeps them busy and out of our hair

But the truth is that these reasons just don't hold up if we think a little deeper and discover our hidden vision for our families. I had to do this. I thought: if I could only teach my child(ren) one thing, what would it be? Then: If I could teach them one more thing, what would that be? I kept adding until I had a top 10 list of my goals for my family. And guess what? Helping my child to become a Playstation Genius wasn't on that list. Helping them to become responsible, successful adults was WAY up there.

By training them now (notice I didn't say teaching. There's a difference. Teaching is something you try to drill into their heads. Training is showing them, taking them step by step, allowing them to internalize) you are creating habits. Habits are things you do without having to think about them. Having to think about cleaning is a time-waster. Having to tell yourself to put something away means that you won't do it half the time. That's half your stuff making a mess.

I don't want my kids to struggle with keeping a home "huggable" as the FlyLady puts it. I want them to have the advantage of the cleaning skill. And it is a skill. A learned skill. My mom worked, and she felt overwhelmed quite a lot with housework. We would have frenzied marathon cleaning sessions. We were taught to do our chores ... when we were told or yelled at to do them. I brought that method into my own home. I'm not naturally inclined to clean all the time. Lord knows there are women out there who are! I know a few. They amaze me. But then they tell me I amaze them with my ability to have peace in the midst of chaos. :-) It is an effort for me to clean. I wish I was in the habit of hanging up my towel after a shower, for instance. I want my children to build those kinds of habits that HELP them.

Your child is ready for chores at as early an age as they can pick up things, sort things, hold things. There really isn't a perfect age for any given chore. My twins were two years old when they began helping mommy with laundry. They love to sit on the dryer and toss the clothes I hand them into the washer. This alleviates a step for me. So I count it. My six year old has done trash, dishes, laundry, room pickups, wipe counters, toilets, and sweeping. I consider him old enough to help his brother clean their room. Of course, I had to train him in this. I would go through the room with him, showing him how to start and finish.

This is important because I did not yell at him and close him in only to feel overwhelmed. We broke it down into manageable bites. I'll write another article on how I did this. The point is once we train them and allow them to be involved, perhaps relax our own standards just a little, it causes them to internalize the VALUE of a clean room.

I am constantly telling my kids that we are a team. We work together. Our home runs smoothly when we are all serving one another. This is NOT child labor abuse. This is sewing good seed into your growing child. They will have better lives because of these small steps started today!

Look around and see what your child can do to feel more involved in your household chores. I don't suggest you start shipping them into shape overnight. I recommend that you have a family meeting. Apologize for not thinking they were capable, and explain to them what will be expected. Also, explain to them that they will not be left alone here - that you will be by their side showing them each step. You may have to tell them you can learn together! Finally, share with them the vision you have for your family and for their future. You're doing this to help their lives - let 'em know it!

One final tip I have: There will be times when they complain about working. I suggest you go to the scripture. Philippians 2:14 says, "Do all things without murmurings and disputings" Then I would add work with every complaint explaining that they will keep working until they do it with a good attitude. It works for us. The complaining ends quickly!

For more articles on training your child visit largefamilyresource.com

Lookin' At The Water

When life invades your sanity, it's important to know where you are looking. With laser accuracy, we can target the best and the worst, but the "in-between" seems to be the most dangerous. The Bible says that in the end, God will spit out the lukewarm. He'd rather you be hot or cold. Okay, that tells me something about life. Sometimes I try to play it safe, and in doing so, I risk more than if I'd chosen the bleakest of paths.

I have moments of self doubt. Who doesn't? If I could put my thought life into a mathematical equation it would look like this: - ? +

I am negative; I am positive; Or I am questioning. We all pretty well know how to deal with both the negative and the positive, but I want to discuss that question mark - the "in-between". It is so destructive!

I go through these moments where I doubt everything I'm about. I'm sure I'm not the only one. At those moments, I ask everyone around me about it. I'm searching for authenticity. I find negativity AND I find positivity. I find discouragement AND I find encouragement. I cannot decide which becomes me more.

But I\'ve made a recent discovery. At my last questioning stance, I whined alot, but it took about a day before I just went on with my tasks. To use a tired metaphor, I pulled up my bootstraps, and got on with the business at hand. It felt really good. And I learned something valuable. I was looking at the water.

Huh? You say. I'm referring to the story in the New Testament of Peter walking on the water. Jesus called him out of the boat, and Peter went. He kept his eyes on Jesus. At one point he realized that he shouldn't be walking on water. It wasn't done. So he looked down at the water ... and he began to sink. Now, most preachers at this point will pontificate about how we should keep our eyes on Jesus, and yes, I will agree to that, but I think there is more to it. Frankly, I don't know what Jesus would do when it comes to keeping up with the laundry. We can guess maybe he'd be terrific at it. That doesn't help.

What I CAN get though is that if I take my eyes off my goal, my destiny, my source, then I begin to "see" life as it looks now - to my naked and untrained eyes. It LOOKS like I can't do this. I shouldn't be able to do it. My plate is too full. Well, that's fine if that's the life I want to live. But I want to walk on water. So then if looking at the water makes me sink, then I'd better focus on the thing that is keeping me going.

For me, it is Jesus, but not just His face or His ideas. It's the way He sees me. It's the fact that He called me out of the boat apparently knowing I could walk on water! He sees me perfected, capable, amazing. Why the heck would I take my eyes off that and dabble in the "in-between". The questioning. Negative - I can recognize that and avoid it. Positive - I am aware that there are issues that need dealing with, and I must not be naive. However, the paradox is that the questioning is far worse than either of the extremes. Pick a point on the compass. Choose your destiny, and walk. My destiny is to raise people of character. My own kids and others. He's called me, and I need to keep walking. And NOT look down at the water swirling around my feet. Because it LOOKS like I shouldn't be doing this. I can't be doing this. I'm not able. It's too much.

But that is the nature of grace.

For more articles like this visit largefamilyresource.com

Can It Be Done?

Does having a large family mean the only white glove test you have is trying to keep the pair together?

While there are certainly challenges, your standard of cleanliness is your litmus for your standard of happiness. The person who said that cleanliness is next to godliness did NOT have five little ones running around their feet all the time. Perhaps cleanliness of mind, or heart, but the condition of our mode or abode lies closer to our sanity than to our righteousness. I will agree that the cleaner my house the more "in control" I feel. Is this a test of virtue or a test of my own habits? That is my biggest question of late. I've come to realize an important life-lesson, and I will now share it with your for free. Pay attention.

Time, attention, even circumstances are not the reason for chaos in my home or in my life. Only habits are to blame or praise.

Yikes. I heard some of you blowing razzberries at me. Wait, before you click off, let me explain. As a busy mom, you must know that a busy person gets more done than one who is not. True? Of course, true. I find time to do anything I please. If I want to let my kid join soccer, I find time. If I HAVE to clean out my fridge, I do it. When I fail to "keep up", it is either that my standards are too high to meet or that my habits are not up to snuff. In my case, I've experienced both.

For example, when I had my twins, I remember physically telling my mind to slow down. I would remind myself that it will now take me longer to get anywhere or do anything. I reset my mind, if you will. My standard of rushing out the door at the last minute, cramming the last of the laundry in and still make it on time anywhere was too high. I adjusted. It works. Okay, now for the other.

I have some poor habits. I have a habit of letting the babies wake me up in the morning instead of getting up a half hour earlier to prepare for my day. My day goes better when I have that extra half hour. I get more than twice as much done. I feel great about getting stuff done, so I'm not "drained" all day. I then get to take a nap during the day because I have been so efficient. When I let the babies wake me up, I feel behind all day. I\'m slow and a little lazy with my day as well. I feel "forced" to face my day. I never get to nap on those days because I'm playing catch-up. Now we're talking about an extra half-hour. It hardly makes a difference in terms of actual time, yet it makes a big difference in terms of how my day goes. So getting my house cleaned, for instance, is then not a matter of time in this case. It\'s a matter of habit.

I have learned that it is my job to train my children to have habits that HELP them achieve the desired results for their lives. I am helping them create a habit of making their beds when they wake. Of putting their dishes in the dishwasher after a meal. Of picking up what they last played with before getting something else out.

My parents made me do chores and made me clean in marathon cleaning sessions on Saturdays or when someone was coming over, so I'm not unaccustomed to cleaning. However, I don't have good cleaning habits. I'm messy. Why? I don't want to be messy. I know how to clean. I'm home, so I can. I was never taught HABITS, or rather I was allowed to adopt poor habits.

So can we keep a clean house with a large family? Sure. But it takes building those habits with each of your children. And that DOES take time. And patience. And a little dip in standards for a season. And disclipline to build habits within yourself.

For more articles on parenting from the perspective of a large family, visit largefamilyresource.com

The "B" Word: It's not what you think

I have found a site that revolustionized my finances. Okay, I love Dave Ramsey, right? Who can argue with his great financial advice. I sure couldn't. I also couldn't do it his way. I don't know why. Call me lazy. i don't know. However, I found The B Word, and it makes life so much easier.

www.thebword.com

The "B", by the way, stands for Budget.

I actually love to create a budget. I sit at the computer and make my fancy spread sheet. It's color coded and laid out like a fine meal. But then something happens from the printer to the brain. We just don't implement it. If you're like us, you depend on God for some of your financial means. Our budget, for instance, just doesn't add up. Sometimes, I really wonder how we make it. But we do.

This system streamlines your accounting so that you're only working on your money two days out of the month. Yes, I typed that correctly. Also, it sets up a system that makes it easy to see where you're spending and what you need for your bills each month. So far, all our bills are paid and ontime. We RARELY have an overdraft now whereas before, I'm ashamed to say, it was a fairly common occurance. I don't even have to balance my checkbook!

It works on the law of averages. It just plain works. I recommend it to EVERYONE! I love it! It's a simple spreadsheet program, and it is very inexpensive. In fact, it is so totally worth the money, I'd have paid more if I'd been able to try it out first. Go to this guy's site and check it out.

For more family budget and family finance information visit largefamilyresource.com.

My First Podcast

Food For Thought - Downpour Youth Stuff

This podcast is simply an audio blog geered towards my teenagers in Downpour Youth, a ministry of Living Hope Church in Cookeville, Tennessee. My husband and I are Youth Pastors for a wonderful, growing group of students. We've begun to create and publish weekly podcasts for them, encouraging them in God's Word and character training. Feel free to listen.

Obligatory First Blog

Okay, so thus begins the Kids of Character ministry. Let's just get that out of the way right from the start. No matter who you are, character effects and defines you. Raising up the next generation to be aware of the kind of character they are espousing is important, even urgent. This is my calling. I can't put it any other way. I might say it's my passion, but it was not born out of any experience. It's a truly God-given purpose to my life.

I'm raising kids of character. My husband and I have five children. Their ages range from 2 to 10. They are awesome kids. We are so blessed to be a part of their lives and family. I think the first moment I realized this calling to train them in character was when I realized I was not put on this earth to control them. My youngest son is strong-willed. He is finally reaching a point where he is controlling his own emotions and reactions, but that certainly is very recent. It occurred to me at one terrible, desperate moment that I may never be able to make him "good." Could I still love him if I didn't really "like" how he was turning out? What if he decided to do everything wrong/bad? Could I love him anyway? I'm not talking about approving of bad behavior. I'm saying can I accept HIM ... good or bad. Whoo. That was tough. I had some images of how I wanted my kids to turn out. We all do. The revelation at that moment was that I was raising my kids to reflect ME. I was raising them with the intention of making ME look good. I decided to love Andrew no matter what. I would still train him, guide him, discipline him, and expect certain behaviors out of him, but fail or succeed, I would love AND accept him. That set him FREE!!! His little 4 year old heart, at the time, didn't know what happened, but I saw it. The pressure to perform was gone. Now it was just learning time.

I found that building character in a person does not require controlling that person or even moulding that person. That's God's job. I'm raising kids of character by growing into an example myself and letting them in on the process - Helping them build GOOD thought lifes, speak to create the life they want, build habits that are beneficial to them, and finally see the results of a life of character.